How do we best balance who we get feedback from?
Do not absorb criticism from those you would not seek advice.
Remember to seek, or listen to, feedback beyond those that you like the most.
We may need to hear, what those closest to us, or in our usual circles, don’t see or don’t share.
This is also one of the reasons people use mentors or coaches, to notice blind spots and give feedback others might not.
Listening, to what could be growth feedback, isn’t about accepting it.
It might include dismissing that which can be dismissed. For example, the feedback shared is absolutely not your stuff, but theirs. Or it could be useful for others, but it doesn’t fit your choices, or choice of direction.
It might include analysing, to see if the feedback might have merit. What was its purpose, its fit, the motives of the person. Do we respect their integrity. We may not know, or even like, the person giving the feedback, but the content may still be valid. What about the content, might it have merit?
It is worth noting that, with feedback, we may find we have an open wound, a greater sensitivity. We all know we can share our own feedback, with different people, and the reaction can be very different.
If we have an area in which we already feel sensitive, perhaps a worry of not being good enough with it. Feedback on this will naturally feel more like a punch, a hot poker, the sting much sharper. This doesn’t make it true, it isn’t ‘more proof’ of something negative.
The sting, is however, feedback in itself. That the story behind the sensitivity needs resolving, healing, fortifying.
Similar inner work may be needed, if we typically reject complimentary feedback overall, or in certain areas.
The final step, with growth feedback, might be accepting any valuable and actionable feedback. Determining what needs to be acted upon, now or later, and how.
Giving feedback? Make it clear, specific, focused on the behaviour not the person, and actionable.
What about you?
Do not absorb criticism from those you would not seek advice. Seek advice from beyond those who are not your critics.
Yes or no?